Monday, October 6, 2008

Best Indian awards

The annual Saltyblog Awards for significant contribution to the country in each of the following fields (sorted alphabetically) are here:

Best Bureaucrat : Arun Kumar, Director (retired), CBI for following copy-book bureaucratic procedure to handle Arushi case. Arrests, Search, Detention, Simulation, 'scientific' tests & then release of everybody. Expertly closed the case by clean-chitting the bereaved & accused father after detaining him for 45 days. No body of course knows who murdered Arushi & why ?

Best Corporate Chairman : Ratan Tata. For long speeches to the public & for making his business house a repeat target for eviction from the forest or agricultural land of India. Keeps the shareholder’s wealth safe in his purse, often denying the grease-hungry administrative machinery, power brokers & people with high nuisance value..

Best Economist : Mamata Bannerjee. For protecting Singur from development, inflation & costlier standard of living.

Best Eligible Bachelor: Rahul Gandhi for hinting to keep the dynasty flag flying & for his freudian slip in the Indian Parliament about the plight of Kalavati. The latter was made famous by singer Kishore Kumar in " Zarurart hai, zarurat hai ... ek shiree moti ki , kalavati ki; seva korey jo poti ki..."

Best Enginner(s) : From HCC Ltd, who designed two major flyovers that gave way , while under construction, in Hyderabad & Lucknow injuring scores ; and still qualifying as permitted bidders for other construction projects. If they can manage to dig the Bandra-Worli link flyover in Mumbai too, their balance sheets would look healthier as HCC is losing money everyday on this project.

Best Friends: The Leftists who took the nation for a long costly ride over the nuclear deal and parted from the allies in government after 4 years of support. Have proven expertise of grabbing the cheques from the friends and making issues out of the bills.

Best Marketing Manager: Anil Ambani. For bagging Rs. 130 billion from the public for Reliance Power IPO at a premim of over 400 rupees a share without laying down a single brick of the plant

Best Politican : Dr. Manmohan Singh for steering the government towards signing a nuclear deal with the unpopular President Bush after crossing major political & circumstantial hurdles, Glossed over other problematic issues like inflation, famers’ suicides, administrative reforms, corruption. Has fully metamorphosed from custodian of central bank to vote bank.

Best Procurement Manager : Amar Singh's office for buying out required number of MPs, allegedly ,@25 cr a person within a tight deadline to vote for the nuclear deal.

Best Sportsman : Suresh Kalmadi, Chairman Indian Olympic Committee for going to the gym everyday and spearheading a contingent into getting unprecedented 3 medals in the Olympics.

Award reserved for
Best Social Work: Arjun Singh, Minister of Human Resources & Development who introduced 49.5% reservation for socially backward classes among students & faculty of IITs , without discrimination. It is rumoured that he finds it difficult to spell the word 'Merit' and hence has banned the use of the word in all official correspondences of his ministry. Stands by the human rights for all victims of terrorism, namely the accused themselves when they are bumped off.

(pics source : executive )

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